Day before tech school officially starts..

Wow I haven't been on here in awhile. With graduation and everything I really haven't been able to blog much. So Ill start with graduation, obviously it was an amazing weekend. I loved every minute I got to spend with my husband. Its amazing how good it felt to have his arms around me after so long of missing that. I am a very affectionate person and we are a very affectionate couple. At night I don't feel comfortable unless I am touching him and I can't fall asleep if I'm not. It was really hard not having that contact and felt amazing to have it again. It was however hard for us to not do the PDA thing while he was in uniform. We always hold hands when we are in public and kiss all the time. It was weird not being able to kiss him whenever I wanted. The downside to the trip was his mother. I wish his psycho mom didn't come. She's so annoying and we got into a huge fight while we were down there. I think Steve and I would have both been able to enjoy ourselves more if she didn't go but oh well its done and over with now.

On a good note Steve really seems to be excited about having kids now. He still wants to wait till I live with him because he doesn't want to miss anything. I totally understand why this is but what if he gets deployed soon? Then he would miss everything and we would have waited for nothing. But I don't want to be pregnant for our big wedding and Steve doesn't want to move the wedding up at all so I guess we would be waiting anyways. I am supper excited that he's now excited about it. He used to always get freaked out about the baby talk. He also is determined that I got pregnant the weekend I was down there. I wasn't on b.c. one of the months he was gone but I was on it for a month before I went down there. I mean I would be very happy if I found out I was pregnant in a few weeks here but I doubt it. Unless I am a very fertile person its not very likely that being off the pill for 1 month would make it that easy for me to get pregnant.

So my thoughts on Tech school so far... I LOVE being able to talk to my husband everyday again. He starts school tomorrow tho and I am a little worried that he won't want to talk as much when he's busy. So we will just have to see how that goes. I'm sure I will still talk to him everyday but he already hasn't been wanting to talk that much. Today he didn't want to face time at all and we only had a few 20 minute conversations. I just feel like thats gonna keep getting worse and worse as he has to start studying for school =/ I mean I know I don't talk every minute we are on the phone together but come on after hardly talking for 2 months you would think he would want to spend as much time talking to me as he can. I'm am just a little annoyed with him today, and he picked up on it. Sometimes I hate that he knows me so well. I was trying really hard not to let him know I was annoyed with him because I don't want to get into stupid fights. He picked up on it anyways tho. I just told him it wasn't a big deal and that I wasn't annoyed. I know I shouldn't have told him that but like I said I don't want to fight over dumb shit.

Here are my thoughts on the Air Force so far... I don't know I well I am going to adjust to this Air Force comes first Heather comes second thing. I have come first in Steve's life for such a long time thats it is going to be hard for me to come to terms with this. I also don't like that his job is one of the ones that deploys the most. I am happy tho that he didn't do the special forces job he wanted to do. That would have been really hard. Anyways, from what I hear SF go 6 month deployment, 6 months home then, 6 months deployed again. That just seems like a lot of deployments =[ I guess I am just freaking out about it a little. Also everyone keeps telling him that he's going to deploy pretty quickly after he gets to his first duty station. If he goes to his duty station in May and I am not moving with him till August and he gets deployed pretty quickly then I am not going to get to spend much time with him. I just wish I would have taken this semester off and planned the wedding in May so I could move with him as soon as possible.... I guess I am just freaking out a little at all these changes that are happening and are going to be happening. I don't know what to do to ease my mind about it. I just want this to be easier for me so I can make it easier on him. I don't want him to have to worry about weather or not I am freaking out. I just don't deal with stress well and not having my other half here to put my mind at ease is a HUGE adjustment for me. I hope I can adjust soon...

Wow its amazing how typing all this out makes me feel better. Even tho no one reads this blog I just feel like its my own personal journal, and I feel better after getting everything off of my mind. Well time for bed now. I love my man more than anything and even tho I'm really frustrated and upset right now I know we will find a way to make this situation the best we can.