Making decisions...

Well I have officially decided that I am getting a full time job when we move to Hawaii. If that means I have to put school off longer because of it then so be it. I'm sick of feeling resented by Steve because he takes care of me. This is why I don't rely on people for things. I hate it and so does he. I really don't know what to tell him tho... I can't work anymore than I already am. He wanted me to stay in school so he can deal with the fucking consequences of that.

I am also sick of one minute us being happy and in a good mood and the next minute not talking because we are mad. I mean I know a lot of the times I get annoyed but he never fucking says anything to make me feel better. He just sits there all silent. Its almost like he doesn't care to fix the problems anymore, like he would rather just pretend they don't exist. It just getting old. I feel like I am the only one trying anymore and I can't stand that idea.

I also can't stand that I always have to jump to do what his family wants me to do when they want me to do it. If I don't I'm a mean bitch who hates them all. I fucking sick of this shit. They all need to stop being so fucking sensitive over everything.

As pissed off and annoyed as I am tonight I just can't help but feel like this is partly due to the fact that I had to leave him again. I'm on edge for some reason and don't know what to do about it. I think this is why I sleep so much now. It is an easy way to avoid whatever problem I am having. Once I get upset I don't know what to do to calm myself down.... I am just so sick of being stressed out and pissed off all the time. I just wish I knew how to let go of these feelings. =/